My escape plan

I don't like winter. I repeat, I hate winter. I don't like the cold rain, the freezing morning, and the stuffed jacket, scarf, and gloves that I have to carry with me all the time. My life here isn't bad, but sometimes I just really hate the country I live in. I wish I could drive away..and leave.

I have a confession to make, and I think this is somewhat the most selfish thing ever to have? I'm usually not this way, since I think about others more than myself, especially my family. But anyway, one of the things I always think what would make me the happiest would be to leave everything and everyone that I knew behind, even my family. Like just go, and live alone somewhere. I don't necessarily need to have new friends or companions. I'd just like to live in a different city, or near the forest, somewhere I could be, but not as "myself".

Starting completely over, I would leave "Casy" behind. I don't need to be constantly on the road, travelling everywhere and meeting different type of people every week. I know for a fact that I'm an introverted person, and I got tired of being around people. By starting completely over, I just want to be alone as a new person. The escape is all I crave. No one knows my name, my face is new and exciting. The thrill of bigger buildings and feel small, or the fresh air of a big forest and feel tiny.

No one watches me, no one cares. 

Here I am imagining living purely as a lost memory, yet I would feel really bad for the people that need me.. I would never leave my parents behind for example, not after all they had done for me and my brother.

This is so weird, but honestly, this imagination always seems so beautiful. 

I'll start running, and never stop. My heart will start pounding with every breath that I take and from the wind trying to hold me back. I'll run, and run, until my legs can't carry me anymore. And when that happens, I'll be so far from this place, from this corner. I'll be so far from this exhausting, repetitive cycle of these cloudy days. By the time I have enough breath, I'll keep on running, run again from whatever it is that holding me back. 

But the question is, how do I run away from myself?

Haha..bego lu Kes.


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